I can't sleep tonight. I heard that if you are in bed for more than 15 minutes without falling asleep that you should just get up. It's been about an hour, so here I am.

Lots to report today. First of all, we knew it would happen, but Nicole agreed to marry this guy. Congratulations Trucker. Getting married was simultaneously the best thing I ever did and the most emasculating. (I didn't know it at the time.) My advice for a happy marriage: capitulate.

I'm joking, of course. I wish Nicole and Truck all the best. We're all very happy for them both.

Okay, shifting gears. Here's something that's been on my mind a lot lately. How do we figure out how to lead a good life? To put it another way, how do we lead a life that leaves a positive impact on the world? I sounds like a big question, but I'm not trying to be pretentious, really. It gets to the heart of many of the lifestyle choices I've made in my life. For instance, I'm vegetarian. I'm a bad vegetarian because I eat fish. Okay, now my original motivation was somewhat political. There are issues of land use, environment, economics, etc. I won't get into it, but the basic philosophy seemed to me at the time that one could have an impact by living a certain lifestyle. Other such choices: don't drive and SUV or other large automobile, buy organic food, try not to be too rampant a consumer. Now, all that's a good start, but I don't think it's enough.

For instance, I know of at least a couple of SUV-driving, meat-eating folks who do really good work as part of their careers. One of the members of my recent canoe trip drove a Suburban. Yet, he has worked with developmentally disabled adults for over 15 years. I'm sure he's had a very real impact in a lot of lives. That's more than my vegetarian ass can say. Yet I know a lot of people that would reject him wholesale when he pulled that Suburban up in front of their house.

I see a lot of people who have the misguided notion that a certain kind of consumerism makes them a better person. They shop at co-ops, they buy only organic cotton clothes, only organic food, etc. It doesn't matter that they still buy rampantly. To them, it's okay as long as they buy the right stuff. To me it's still consumerism no matter what you consume. They don't have any idea what's going on in the world. They have not interest in understanding politics even on a local level and they don't want to. Their political action is confined to what they buy.

To me, I guess, it has to be coupled with action. It's fine to support organic farmers, co-ops and other so-called "counter-culture" accouterments. But you have to understand how to affect real political and social change. I know only a handful of people who do this. I wish I could say I did, but I really don't. The fact is that it takes a hell of a lot of energy. Energy most Americans are unwilling to expend. I could go into a Chomskian analysis of why I think this is true, but I won't. Suffice it to say that I wish I did more along these lines. Something to aim for I guess.

Okay, shifting gears again. I have a work-related story. Now, at the coffee shop where I work, the sizes are regular, large and extra large. Okay, it's not your typical small, medium, large. I can see where this might confuse some people. So, this guy comes in and orders a "regular" size drink, which he apparently took to mean "medium." (I know this sounds petty, but I'm getting to a larger point here. Hang in there.) So he get's the drink. "This is small. I ordered a regular drink." Now, I'm new still, and as I mentioned earlier, I'm somewhat timid. At this point, the store is busy and I'm a bit like the proverbial deer in the headlights. I show him the sizes. He got what he paid for.

"I hate that. Why do you guys [emphasis mine] do that? This is a small right? Everyone? This is the smallest size right? Why do you do that? You know what that is called? It's called euphemizing. It's changing the language."

Now, I wasn't doing anything. These stupid decisions where made at a much higher and presumably much more intelligent level than mine. The same level that says I can't wear green dress pants, but jeans are OK. I'm just trying to keep everyone happy, remember how to mix all their ridiculous drinks, collect my tips and go home. I don't give a shit of it's called regular, medium, or grande. What in the hell is this guy hoping to accomplish by bitching at us? Changing the language. It's like he's railing on a whole corporate culture right there in the coffee shop. Right there to it's lowest paid, least powerful members. I guess it's the price I pay for being part of it.